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mariah 1

Coco Channel may well have advised aspiring fashionistas that less is more, but seriously, Mariah, you’re missing the point. FFS, just put some bloody clothes on!

We all know you’re a larger than life super star, and yes, you’ve got all those gorgeous curves which you Love So Much. And I truly understand you have to develop a style and a brand to push for the media and the adoring masses of fans out there, and even some perverts. That’s part of the business model and it keeps your social media accounts buzzing and the papparazzi busy. You’re a veritable marketing machine, girl.

Wear whatever you like in your bedroom (more power to you), but before you go out in public, maybe you could take a moment to finish getting dressed. Remember those outer garments too. They’re the things that are designed to go over your sexy bras and knickers and suspenders. We know you can afford it. Especially now you have that smitten James Packer scurrying along by your side. Hit him up to borrow his credit card if you must. Go on, splash out – go shopping, buy something designed to go on the outside.

We’ve been noticing the outfits have been getting scimpier and sexier as the weeks go by, but your sartorial effort this week at an LA event put on for the Secretary General of the United Nations, Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon, took the cake.

Maybe you’d got a couple of events mixed up and thought you were going to the Music Awards to outdo others in displays of outrageous exhibitionism and near nudity, but when you saw the head of the UN and realised you were going to meet an international dignitary, maybe you could have – I don’t know – maybe done your zip up a bit? Just have some bloody respect.


You see, that’s the thing about clothing. We live in a society where we wear clothes (well, small pockets of dedicated naturalists at various times excepted) fit for purpose and place. Initially we wore clothes for warmth and protection, but now we do it for a number of other reasons as well: to suit certain activities or events, to make a statement or create an impression, to look good, to feel good, to fit in, to stand out. Ah yes, I see what you’re doing here, Mariah. Oh look, see all those fine images you keep posting on Instagram!

But Singing Lady, there are some broad protocols that we as a society operate within when it comes to clothing, and there has to be some limits. We don’t expect to see people turning up to their offices in their bikinis or boardies, we don’t expect to see kids in their pyjamas at school, nor Liberal MPs in fishnets partying at Parliament House. Nor do we expect to see woman turning up to events when they’ve forgotten to get dressed. Sometimes it’s about having a bit of respect for some of the people around you.

It’s eminently clear to the entire world that you’re very comfortable with your body, and that’s great – body acceptance is a beautiful thing. And it’s even clearer that you are exceptionally proud of those babies causing your super cleavage and you want to display them as much as possible. I’m not sure it that’s because you’re just very, very, very proud of them or if it’s because they represent a heavy financial investment and you want to get a decent return by maximum exposure, but occasionally, just sometimes, can you just put those puppies away? Just give them a holiday occasionally. Please.