I have a little confession. I’ve been happily married, even deliriously happily married, for more than 30 years. (That’s not the secret.) But as my dearest and I spend more and more time together during the days and evenings in our (reasonably recent) retirements, I’m finding I’m needing a little space. In fact, I’ve discovered that having some time just for me is allowing me to thrive.
Not that I don’t love spending time with him and doing things together (he’s rather good company), but in order to really discover myself as an individual, especially now as a non-working person, I’m really relishing a bit of time and space just for me. To think, to explore, to try new things—whatever I’d like—all my myself.
So, it is with the utmost of love and respect that I want to say to my most beloved:
I love you dearly, but occasionally, please just leave me alone!
Sometimes you hear women complain their husbands are golfers and that they spent inordinate amounts of time on the golf course. Not me! I encourage it. Because when he’s on the course, that’s my special time, when he’s out for four or five hours at a stretch and I’m completely left to my own devices to do whatever I want—write, read, ‘waste’ as much time as I want on the computer. Whatever I want with no one to come and ask what I’m doing. Not that I’m doing anything sneaky or untoward. It’s just I don’t want to be bothered.
And those days when he’s booked in to golf and I’m planning to do all the things, and then it rains and he stays home instead! Ugh! My special time disappears.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m married to perhaps the most wonderful man on earth, and I love spending time with him. But as I’m getting older, I’m really valuing some ‘me’ time more and more, when I’m not beholden to anyone else and I can do things that bring me pleasure, even if others can’t understand why. Like, blogging!
I like to be by myself when I’m on my computer, in my little cyber world, and don’t even like someone else at the desk next to me. I know I shared offices for decades, but now I don’t like sharing that much. Concentration levels are so much higher when I’m by myself. Or maybe I’m just becoming old and curmudgeonly.
Mr T and I have been together since we were teenagers, and while we share a myriad of similar interests, we also enjoy our separate interests. As I said, he golfs, I play tennis. He likes James Bond movies, I like tragic dramas. He cooks, I eat. Most of our holidays are together, but we also do our own trips. He goes on wine trips with the boys, I go to Thailand with the girls for massages and cocktails. I’m even having a couple of weeks in Zimbabwe soon without him. He will of course worry the whole time that I’m in peril or lost (to be honest, I have no sense or direction so the latter is highly likely, and given that’s it’s Zimbabwe, in fact, the former may also be a possibility), but I’m going to give it a go anyway.
We are a fabulous partnership, as our many couples, but we’re also two individuals so I’m delighted we are able to pursue different interests and have different friendships and don’t always have to be tied to the hip, even as we spend more and more time together. It’s good for both of us. I’m not an introvert—I thrive on the company of others, especially my family —but this little place I’m discovering now that’s just for me—I have to say, it’s an absolute blast.
What about you? Do love spending some time by yourself?